Leave Your Ego at the Door

The day a smaller student stopped me

Here is how it went, as I’ve told it on the mat. I came in the way I always did. He made a fist, put it right into my chest, squared his shoulders, and turned kind of sideways. It was like hitting a guard rail. I couldn’t go forward. And then he just had his way with me: kicks, knees, elbows, whatever he wanted.

He’d decided he wasn’t going to let me overwhelm him anymore, and he figured out how. It was a real reality check for me. Today, when he frames on me the right way, I’m 200 and he’s 140, and I go flying like a child.

You can see the frame and the clinch work in the class video below, and the full breakdown is in Clinch to Sweep: How a Smaller Fighter Beats a Bigger One.

Watch: Kyokushin Karate Class IV with Shuseki Shihan at The Phoenix Way [4K]

The technique matters. But the reason I tell this story is what it says about ego. When a student 60 pounds lighter stops you cold, you can take it two ways. You can get angry and charge harder, or you can admit he solved a problem and learn from it. You don’t get that lesson unless you’re willing to lose in front of people.

What “leave the ego at the door” means here

It’s one of the first things we say about The Phoenix Way: this is a place that leaves the ego at the door. We welcome everyone. Our students train hard, and at the same time they work well with each other, so everyone can improve together.

It applies to the people running the room too. We don’t try to intimidate people or show how tough we are. We don’t need to. It isn’t about our ego anyway. It’s about what we can do for you.

The same idea shows up in how we run our Adult Class. Sparring is optional. There are beginner and advanced classes, technique-only classes, and open mat. Nobody has to prove anything on day one.

Respect is how you treat your partner

Respect in a dojo isn’t only bowing and saying “Osu.” It’s what you do with your hands when someone trusts you to hit them.

• Control. When we kick to the head, we kick with control. When we go to the face with pads on, it’s still controlled. Nobody should be teed up. We are not professional fighters, and we all have jobs to get to in the morning.

• Pads for your partner. On repetitive drills, wear the shin guards. It’s not just to protect you. You want to protect your training partner.

• Slow when it’s slow. When a drill is meant to be slow and methodical, go slow. In that class video I told the group, “He’s thumping, and you guys are kind of slapping.” Speed comes later. If you rush to look good, your partner pays for it.

The ego wants to win the drill. A good training partner wants both of you to come back tomorrow.

Respect runs in every direction

Respect for your instructors means you tell us when something’s wrong. We encourage our members to let us know if they’re having any problems, and we’ll do our best to fix them. Keeping quiet to look tough helps nobody.

Respect for your seniors means you listen. Respect for the people newer than you means you don’t use them to feel big.

And respect from the instructor means giving credit where it’s earned. In that same class video, a petite student uses an elbow, a trap and a step off the line to drop me with a sweep. We didn’t plan it. She really did that. What I told the room was, “Give her a hand,” and then, “That’s about as good as I’m going to see anybody do.” That’s the room I want: one where the head instructor is happy to get swept, as long as it was done right.

If you’re thinking about starting, our guide to starting karate as an adult covers what your first weeks look like.