Confident Kids Become Confident Adults

One student’s story

The voice you hear in the video belongs to one of our students. She was bullied as a kid, and it was physical. She wanted a skill set in case something happened, so she reached out to me to learn. At the time, she says, I wasn’t taking in children. As she tells it, that request was part of what started me bringing younger kids onto the mat to learn self-defense, build a real skill set, and get in physical shape.

Notice what she was after. Not a trophy, not a belt to hang on the wall. She wanted to feel capable in her own body, and the confidence came along with the skill.

She also says she’s 5’2” “on a good day,” and she’s used to everyone in the room being taller than her. Smaller kids learn that same lesson early. Size is part of the picture. It isn’t the whole picture.

Confidence has to be earned

You can’t hand a child confidence with a pep talk. Praise helps, but kids can tell when it’s empty. Real confidence comes from doing something hard, over and over, until it belongs to you.

In class that looks like a combination drilled until it’s clean, or a front kick that finally comes up straight. It sounds like a voice that gets louder over the weeks. In the background of the video you can hear an instructor tell a child, “the loudest I’ve heard you.” It’s a small moment, and it’s the whole point.

At The Phoenix Way we say we help people find their voice. When you find your voice you become more confident, and when you’re more confident you have better control over your life, on the mat and in the real world. Every class we teach is built on that idea, and I wrote more about it in Find Your Voice.

Getting comfortable being uncomfortable

The student says something every parent should hear. When she started, even though she wanted to learn self-defense, it was a very uncomfortable thing for her to do. She stayed with it. In her words, being in the uncomfortable helps you grow.

Kids are no different. The first time a child steps on the mat, holds a stance while their legs shake, or answers a question in front of the group during a mat chat, it’s uncomfortable. We don’t rush them past that feeling. We teach them to stay in it, breathe, and keep going. That is what a never-quit spirit looks like when you’re small.

She describes training as hitting the physical, the mental, and the spiritual. And she says you carry a different confidence once you have the skill set and the empowerment that comes with it, the kind that lets you go out into the world knowing you can handle yourself. If you’re a woman reading this for yourself rather than your child, our post on women in Kyokushin is for you.

What lasts into adulthood

On our Kid Class page I wrote that empowering children is my mission, and that I learned long ago that if I could instill confidence in my students, they could accomplish anything. I still believe it.

Our Kid Class drives self-discipline, respect, teamwork, leadership, perseverance, and a never-quit spirit, using the format of our Kyokushin program. Kids progress at their own pace. Nobody is measured against the kid next to them.

Parents tell us the confidence shows up in other places, in schoolwork and in team sports. One parent noticed that students who started training as children still come back to train in their twenties. That is the outcome we care about. The goal was never a child who is good at karate class. It’s an adult who knows who they are and can speak up for themselves and for others.