The Family Safety Plan: Safe Places, a Family Password, and What to Do If Lost

Start with the right frame. Most adults are very kind and would never think of harming a child. Tell your kids that, and mean it. The plan is for the rare exception, and a calm child with a plan is safer than a frightened one with a list of fears.

If your child gets lost

Getting separated in a store, a park, or a crowded event is the most common version of this, and the easiest to prepare for.

1. Stay in the place where you got lost. Don’t wander out to the parking lot or go looking. Stay put, inside.

2. Pick a safe place every time you walk in. Make it a game. When you enter a store, ask your child to point out where they’d go if they lost you, like the checkout counter, a store clerk, or the security desk. Let them choose. Kids remember what they decided themselves.

3. Go to that safe place and tell them you’re lost. A clerk or security guard can call you.

The original handout said it well: empower kids to take charge and choose their safe places. A child who has done this a dozen times on ordinary errands won’t panic on the day it matters.

Do the same thing for your neighborhood and the routes your child walks often. Name the safe places to go in an emergency, like a neighbor’s house you trust or a nearby store.

Know your numbers, know your address

Your child should know your phone numbers and your home address by heart. Not saved in a phone. Memorized.

Practice it like any other drill. Ask at dinner. Ask in the car. Have them say it, then write it. And practice what happens next: if they’re lost and need to call you, they’ll likely be using someone else’s phone, such as a store clerk’s. Walk through that conversation so it feels familiar.

Have a family password

A family password is a word only your family knows. Choose something easy for your child to remember and hard for anyone else to guess.

Here’s why it matters. If someone your child doesn’t expect shows up and says, “Your mom sent me to pick you up,” your child asks for the password. No password, no going anywhere. It also takes the pressure off your child to judge whether an adult seems nice.

Use the same idea for being home alone. Agree on family rules for answering the phone and the door, and practice them.

Safe people, unsafe people

A stranger can look like anyone, man or woman, friendly or not, well dressed or not. So we don’t teach kids to look for a type. We teach them a few clear rules.

• Keep your distance from an unsafe adult: 4 footsteps or more. That’s double the 2-footstep distance we teach for a bully.

• Never go anywhere with a strange adult or child. And even with someone they know, never without a parent’s okay.

• Don’t accept money, toys, candy, or other gifts from anyone without a parent’s permission.

• You don’t have to talk to an adult who makes you feel funny. Many kids get drawn in just by being polite and chatting. They’re allowed to walk away.

• Trust your gut. If something feels off, it is worth acting on.

• Use your voice. If an adult tries to take them, kids are taught to yell things like “I don’t know this person,” “This is NOT my father,” or “Someone help me.” The point is to make every adult nearby look.

• No secrets. If anyone asks your child to keep a secret from you, they tell you right away. The same goes for anyone who touches them in a way that feels uncomfortable. They can say no, and they should tell you.

Add a home fire escape plan while you’re at it. Same idea, same calm practice.

Teamwork helps too. There’s safety in numbers, so encourage your child to stick with friends, watch out for each other, and report anything strange to a parent, teacher, or principal. Adults use a grown-up version of the same habit, which we cover in situational awareness. For the bully side of the handout, read Confident Kids at The Phoenix Way.

Our Bully Proof course practices all of this out loud, including how to break away from someone who grabs, so kids have done it before they ever need it.