What the Dojo Teaches About Leadership, Work, and Family

Slow it down so people can get it right

In one clinch class on our channel, I put it this way: we’re going slow, methodical. He’s where he has to be. We’re taking our time. One student is “thumping” the pads while others are “kind of slapping,” and the difference is that he’s been given room to do it right.

That’s the point. When I slow a drill down, I’m giving the student “the ability to be perfect, methodical, take his time.” Speed comes later, and it comes from that foundation. I tell adults the same thing in combinations: “Train tighter.” Right now we’re just trying to be perfect. Things get bigger under pressure, so build it tight first.

At work, this is how you train someone new. At home, it’s how you teach a kid anything. If you rush people to look fast, you get slapping. Give them room to do it right, and you get thumping.

The plan is a drill. Let people make it their own.

In that same class, I reminded everyone what a drill is. Maybe in real life you only get the stiff arm and the kick, and then you’re back in the fight. Maybe you get the knee and the elbow. “I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s called a drill.”

Then something better happens. In time, in advanced training, a student does something “that’s just off. It’s not even part of the drill. It’s something that he brain mapped into his head.” He made it his own. “There’s nothing static. It’s always going to flow. It’s always going to change.”

A good leader builds the drill and then lets people outgrow it. If your team can only ever run your exact plan, nobody on it is learning to lead. The goal of the drill is the student who no longer needs it.

You can see the whole class, drills and all, here:

Watch: Kyokushin Karate Class IV with Shuseki Shihan at The Phoenix Way [4K]

Don’t wait. Commit.

In that class, one student has what I called his “secret weapon”: he never waits. If he just steps in and grabs me, I’ll beat him. I’ll grab him, lock him, do whatever. But he doesn’t wait. He comes in already striking, and now I have to defend that.

On takedowns, I say it even more bluntly. “You can’t hesitate with that. If you hesitate, it’s gone.” You commit, and you go through. You don’t go and stop.

Plenty of decisions at work and at home don’t need more thinking. They need you to stop waiting. Hesitation has a cost, and it’s usually paid by somebody else.

Lead without ego

I’m about 200 pounds. Shihan Omar is about 140. I used to overwhelm him with size until the day he turned sideways, framed, and stopped me cold. It was very humbling for me, a real reality check. The full story is in Leave Your Ego at the Door.

A head instructor who can’t get beaten by his students has stopped learning. The same is true of a manager or a parent. You lead better when people see you take a loss, say it out loud, and learn from it.

That’s also why our Who We Are page says something I take seriously: our instructors want to see you succeed, and “if you don’t succeed, then we don’t.” Leadership is responsibility for the people in front of you.

Know when not to fight

Some of my best wins outside the dojo were verbal: de-escalating a situation and never letting it get physical. It’s the law of diminishing returns. Nobody wins when it goes physical.

The same law runs through a lot of arguments at work and at home. Winning the exchange is rarely worth what it costs. Discipline is knowing which fights to take, and having the self-control to walk away from the rest.

Parents tell us they see this carry over. One wrote that after class, their boys come home wanting to practice what they learned, and their “communication is clear and kind.” We write more about that in How Dojo Discipline Shows Up at Home.